Alright everyone, buckle up because what I’m about to say might shock you: I think Outback Steakhouse is dabbling in dark magic. It all started a few years ago when someone noticed something… interesting about the Outback Steakhouses in the town of Gilbert, AZ, just south of Phoenix.
Funny, but probably just the internet being paranoid, right? Wrong. Turns out, this was just the beginning of what appears to be a massive conspiracy perpetrated by Outback Steakhouse to lure us into devil-worshipping by way of reasonably priced cuts of beef and down under-themed kitsch. There’s not just one, but MANY Outback Steakhouse pentagrams!
Wtf is Outback Steakhouse planning pic.twitter.com/l1CSafkdOK
— balenci-who? aga ☭ (@eatmyaesthetics) July 27, 2017
I decided to research further, and I even found one in my hometown of Cincinnati. Nowhere is safe.
Of course, there are a lot of Outbacks, and people might be finding patterns that aren’t there to make sense of the world. This is actually a pretty common phenomenon. Scientists even have a name for it, apophenia. It’s used to explain everything, from Rorschach Tests to gambling addiction. It’s simply a universal human tendency. Plus, it does make sense for Outback to spread their restaurants around the suburbs of a city center.
And that does seem like this could be the case with these Outback Steakhouse pentagrams… but I’m still not convinced. There’s something so… unholy about Bloomin’ Onions. They’re so sinful, they must be the work of something mystical, not of this world.
And those aren’t the only Outback Steakhouse pentagrams…
The final, damning piece of evidence, though, has to be this map.
I’d like to see anyone try and explain THIS away with science!
Outback has appeared to confirm our suspicions! Is anyone else weirdly craving a Bloomin’ Onion?
Plot twist. pic.twitter.com/t2VEpCrWY2
— Outback Steakhouse (@Outback) July 28, 2017